Prognosis

By Janet Bowyer

Eighteen at University doing Graphic Design, thought I had flu but it just wouldn’t stop. Off to the GP, she took a blood test, it came back positive. Wasn’t flu but toxoplasmosis, I’d never even heard of it, a new antibiotic had just come out, tetracycline. Soon I was well but it didn’t last long, all day I was being sick and my bras didn’t fit. Off to the GPs again, I was pregnant. I couldn’t face telling my mum at first as I knew she’d be disappointed, told my landlady instead. Worked so hard to get there; in my mum’s eyes ruined my chances. GP’s husband was at a conference somewhere, told us toxoplasmosis meant a chance of my baby being born deaf and blind. The antibiotics should have worked, all of my pregnancy I worried, unplanned baby possibly disabled, how would we cope. Such a relief when we held him, and he could see me and hear my voice. That’s when the mania set in, followed by crying which felt endless, post natal depression I was told and puerperal psychosis, then years later I was diagnosed bi-polar, relief and a life sentence all in one.